World's Worst Knock-Knock Joke

As told by Evie:

Evie: "Knock-knock"
Me: "Who's there?"
Evie: "Ban-nah".
Me: "Banana, who?"
Evie: "Don't cry."

One For Harry Potter Fans

Sunday was the premier of "Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire" on ABC Family. Before it came on, they played the first 3 movies. Emmit is terrified of HP, but decided he'd watch parts with Nathan & me. I honestly didn't think he was paying much attention...until the end of movie 2 (The Chamber Of Secrets). He was enthralled with the giant spiders and then with the big snake!

Anyway, yesterday afternoon, we were getting ready to go outside and play. I was walking looking for where I kicked off my flip flops last, and WHAM! I hit my big toe on the postal scale, which, for some odd reason, was sitting in the middle of the dining room floor.

It hurt so bad that I had tears in my eyes. This big red lump swells up on the top of my big toe, and I said to Emmit, "LOOK! I hurt my toe on the scale. Why did you leave it on the floor?"

He studies my bump for a moment, and then says, "I'll spit on it for you!"

Confused, I start giggling, and say, "Why the hell would I want you to spit on my toe? What good is that going to do?"

He looks at me and says, "It'll make it better. You know...like when that owl spit on Harry Potter and made his arm better."

LOL!

Close, pal. But that was a phoenix & those were tears. Totally not a spitting owl!

What's The Opposite

This morning, we woke up to Emmit in our bed...as usual. Then Evie joined us. We were all just laying there, and I decided to get Emmit to count for us. He counted all kinds of stuff...eyes, ears, fingers, knees, etc. Then Nathan decided to see if he could point on tallest, shortest, biggest, smallest. So, we did that for a while.

Then I decided to see if he knew more opposites. We went over some: hot/cold, on/off, up/down, big/small, in/out, etc. And then it was his turn.

I asked, "What's the opposite of on?"

{blank stare}

So, we said, "If the light's not on, it's..."

Emmit finished, "the battery is dead."

And we broke in belly laughs!

Then we said, "If the door's not open..."

Emmit finished, "it'll let the bugs in."

Yeah...he doesn't quite get it!